Polaroids from Squam

Squam Love

I've been trying to write for weeks about the magical time I had at Squam in the woods but words have failed to sum up the experience. If you have ever considered going but are afraid (like I was) - do it anyway! You will grow, you will refresh and you will connect, I promise you!

There is an energy there like no other. Peaceful. Healing. 

New friends and shared connections add to the flavor of the week. 

You will come back alive. 

Listening in

Those of you who have been following me for any length of time know that I struggle with body image. I struggle with my health. What I have found over the last 2 years was that I really struggled with listening. I would bounce from doctor to doctor getting advice, supplements and herbal remedies. I would stare at them intently listening to suggestions, diagnosis and cures. I would try, oh I would try so very hard. Then I would complain that it just wasn't working. I would cry. What I never did, not fully, was get quiet and listen. Not the type of listening that we turn towards others but the kind of listening that needed to be turned inward. The quiet kind. Because of these struggles being strung out for years my body caught on and decided that maybe quiet just wasn't going to work.

So it yelled.

It screamed at me for not listening. Clawed at my insides furiously. It churned and bloated and acted out until finally I heard.

The past 3 weeks I have been strictly dairy free and what a difference it has made. Had I known all along that was the root of my ill health I could have saved a lot of time and money. Being dairy free sprinkled in with trying to eat as little gluten as possible has been a difficult transition. The payoff however has been so rich in reward that it would be impossible to ignore in the future. I do not know yet the full extent of my dietary limitations but I'm getting much much better at listening. For that I am grateful and so is my body.

We are settling in to this new reality together, my body and I. Navigating through the isles of instant packaged food and passing them by. We sit together at tables with others watching them enjoy their ice cream and baked goods. We try to remember that those foods are no longer healthy for us and we are better off without. We try to remember that easier isn't always better.

The biggest step of all, however, has been to look in the mirror with love and curiosity again. For this is the real reward.

To Be Whole Again

Remember what it feels like to be whole.

Remember what it means to be alive.

Remember that you are a soul inside a body.

Remember that you are perfect, just the way you are. 

Remember what it feels like to walk along that dusty road and breathe in every single step.

Remember the gentleness that comes with self care.

Remember how to get dirty, caked with mud and sweat and tears.

Remember to stop and look up, then down.

Remember to gaze upon the mirror with kindness. 

Remember how to sigh with contentment.

Remember what soft feels like under your fingertips.

Remember the passion that comes with discovery.

Remember that the first step is always the hardest.

Remember how to fall into yourself, wholeheartedly and with love. Always with love...