Polaroid Giveaway!

In anticipation of the arrival of my new Big Girl camera I am feeling like I want to pass on a little kindness. That and patience never was a virtue of mine. Thanks to my cat knocking my DSLR off the desk and hearing it crack and pop as it hit I have been without a proper digital camera for over a month. I'm going stir crazy. So how about a giveaway? Because really who doesn't love giveaways?

In my thrifting adventures and because of very generous gifts from family I have many Polaroid cameras. In doing some inventory today I realized that no two are alike except for one pair. So I'd like to pass one along to you. If you are wanting to add to your collection or just want to try instant photography for the first time I would love for you to enter. Simply leave a comment below on why you would love to give this guy a home. I'll let the random number generator pick a winner on the end of Monday the 7th.

The best part: it works! I tested it just to make sure!

Update! The lovely folks at Impossible have offered to send a pack of PX680 film to the winner!

The post I wasn't sure I would write

Though I attempt to keep some parts of my life private here I feel like I actually share quite a bit. This past year was a roller coaster full of dramatic ups and downs for my family and myself.

So when I was brought to my knees with news this Fall I thought to myself that it would definitely be going to the blog. Because that is just something I do. Its a way for me to work through it, not unlike therapy. Only it didn't. I kept it balled up tightly only sharing with a select few. I cried. A lot. Mostly alone. I didn't let anyone help and I didn't reach out.

Tracey Clark's recent post about breaking her blog silence helped me realize that I can share this. I want to be able to share my hurts in a way that inspires others to reach out. I want to help others feel not so alone. Only right now I can't seem to muster a sparkly post about how to do that.

I am a mother. With that comes worry, pain, fear, love, heartache, stress, sleepless nights, giggles, homework, band-aids, adventure and so much more. When I learned that my daughter: My beautiful, spirited, unique child was recently diagnosed with Aspergers I was heartbroken. The words opened a long festering wound of worry and guilt. Yes I am fully aware how many other more challenging conditions there are in this world and I am grateful. But still there was a deep mourning period I had to go through. I had to let go of what I was hoping her childhood would look like. I had to let go of the picture I had created in my head for her. I have to allow her to be herself fully and truly and resolve to help her navigate this world in her own unique way. Which is a journey all mothers take.

There is nothing wrong with her nor will there be. I don't like the thought of attaching a label to her one bit so I will do my best not to. I will be an advocate for her with her schooling and find ways to help her as much as I can. Most of all I will stop beating myself up over the fact that we didn't catch on sooner. I always was hoping that maybe her sensitives were just that and we would get through it. We rode the roller coaster of anxiety for years. Tip toeing through challenges. Mostly we just stopped doing things that she could not do. Like going to movies or being outside when it was windy. Part of this new understanding comes acceptance and a willingness to not push so hard. To allow her to be where she is right now and find some outside support for all of us.

I'm realizing I am not super mom. I never really thought I was doing a stellar job but never asked for help either. I never admitted how difficult life was for us at times. How much shame and guilt I went to bed feeling every night. Those are the things that are harder to break free of.

I wasn't sure what direction the words would go once I started typing. I can't say that I feel ready to be uplifted by all of this just yet but at least with knowledge comes relief. We have a direction now, one that is missing the uncertainty we had before. That feels better.

Thank you all for seeing me and witnessing my ups and downs this past year. It has been quite a ride. One that I am ready to transform this year into with a lot more revelry and a heck of a lot less worry.

Seeing myself differently

For today's Relish12 prompt: Where this year did you begin to see yourself differently? What are the words you’d no longer use to describe yourself? What are your new favorite descriptors?
2012 has been a year of epic proportions. Really when I look back I am sort of wowed by the fact that I am not disheartened or feeling negative over all that transpired.

2012 was the year I learned to use my voice. It was the year I made the difficult decision to walk down off the mountain from my vision quest and not wallow in self pity because of it.

2012 was the year I learned having my identify stolen was really more about paper than my soul and I survived this too.

2012 was the year I looked at myself just a bit more gently as a parent and realized I really am doing the best I can.

I can hear new words forming in my head now as I think to describe myself. Ones that may not have been there last year. Strong. Artistic. Grateful. These are the words I now hold close.

One little word

2013 will be my 3rd year of picking a word as a guide. I never was one for resolutions. In the past I tried to set intentions but it wasn't until I heard about using just one word that I really decided to jump on the bandwagon.

I've learned that one simple word can pack a lot of punch. It gives me a focus for the year. Not anything too concrete, yet powerful enough to make stuff happen! My word for 2012 was Voice. It manifested itself in some interesting ways which is why I was awfully careful how I picked my next word.

Though I tried and tried to ignore it, the word: Revel kept popping up for me. It doesn't appear to be an elegant or beautiful word, but yet it feels like exactly how I want 2013 to look. I'm not sticking to its primary definition either. No, I really don't want 2013 to be about drunken all night parties. Instead I am focusing on another definition: to take great pleasure or delight  It is a powerful, strong word. It's a word that will remind me to live out loud and celebrate. Maybe just maybe it will get me dancing too. Who knows?

Happy Holidays!

From our house to yours. May your day be merry however you celebrate!

Body Map

Today's Relish12 prompt is from the lovely Liz Lamoreux. Someone I adore a whole heck of a lot. She writes: What does your body hold from 2012? Where did your feet walk? What did your hands hold? What did you tuck gently into your heart?

These hands, they held a child. Struggling, aware, insecure. They tapped along the keyboard sharing fears and stories and well wishes. The beat furiously on a drum. Boom...boom...boom.

These legs, they ran naked on a beach. Joyously in celebration of women-hood. They walked alone and not alone. One step then another, then another.

These eyes, they wept tears. Sometimes of joy, of sorrow, of laughter. The watched others walk their own crooked paths. They drank in the sites of new cities and destinations.

This body, it changed. Growing, shrinking, healing. It gave up foods that no longer felt good. It became more aware than ever of our interconnected lives. It felt love.

A Message