Seeing myself differently

For today's Relish12 prompt: Where this year did you begin to see yourself differently? What are the words you’d no longer use to describe yourself? What are your new favorite descriptors?
2012 has been a year of epic proportions. Really when I look back I am sort of wowed by the fact that I am not disheartened or feeling negative over all that transpired.

2012 was the year I learned to use my voice. It was the year I made the difficult decision to walk down off the mountain from my vision quest and not wallow in self pity because of it.

2012 was the year I learned having my identify stolen was really more about paper than my soul and I survived this too.

2012 was the year I looked at myself just a bit more gently as a parent and realized I really am doing the best I can.

I can hear new words forming in my head now as I think to describe myself. Ones that may not have been there last year. Strong. Artistic. Grateful. These are the words I now hold close.

One little word

2013 will be my 3rd year of picking a word as a guide. I never was one for resolutions. In the past I tried to set intentions but it wasn't until I heard about using just one word that I really decided to jump on the bandwagon.

I've learned that one simple word can pack a lot of punch. It gives me a focus for the year. Not anything too concrete, yet powerful enough to make stuff happen! My word for 2012 was Voice. It manifested itself in some interesting ways which is why I was awfully careful how I picked my next word.

Though I tried and tried to ignore it, the word: Revel kept popping up for me. It doesn't appear to be an elegant or beautiful word, but yet it feels like exactly how I want 2013 to look. I'm not sticking to its primary definition either. No, I really don't want 2013 to be about drunken all night parties. Instead I am focusing on another definition: to take great pleasure or delight  It is a powerful, strong word. It's a word that will remind me to live out loud and celebrate. Maybe just maybe it will get me dancing too. Who knows?

Happy Holidays!

From our house to yours. May your day be merry however you celebrate!

Body Map

Today's Relish12 prompt is from the lovely Liz Lamoreux. Someone I adore a whole heck of a lot. She writes: What does your body hold from 2012? Where did your feet walk? What did your hands hold? What did you tuck gently into your heart?

These hands, they held a child. Struggling, aware, insecure. They tapped along the keyboard sharing fears and stories and well wishes. The beat furiously on a drum. Boom...boom...boom.

These legs, they ran naked on a beach. Joyously in celebration of women-hood. They walked alone and not alone. One step then another, then another.

These eyes, they wept tears. Sometimes of joy, of sorrow, of laughter. The watched others walk their own crooked paths. They drank in the sites of new cities and destinations.

This body, it changed. Growing, shrinking, healing. It gave up foods that no longer felt good. It became more aware than ever of our interconnected lives. It felt love.

A Message

Celebrating

I'm home from New York with a full heart after spending some much needed time with my Tribe. These women each so uniquely different come together to make something incredible. I'm so thankful that 7 of us could make that trip on relatively short notice. Despite the shadow of events that took place last Friday we were able to grieve together and then made a conscious effort to celebrate each other during the weekend.

My very first trip to the city was magic. I spent a lot of time just observing it all. I took very few photos because I was just too busy immersing myself in the experience. It really lived up to the iconic expectations I had created in my head. The sounds, the people and the sparkle all were really something spectacular.

Of course the only reason I ever made it to the city in the first place was to celebrate my photo making it onto the wall at The Impossible Project space. It isn't something I can so much put into words. I will say that I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to share my work as it is something that brings me great joy.

I feel like pictures sum up this journey far better than words so I'll let them do the talking. You can see more photos from the trip here.

Morning Ritual

 
Today's prompt from Rebecca:

So, did you have a morning ritual this year? What did it consist of? Whether it stayed the same or changed as the year went on, what meaning do you think it holds?

My ritual includes tea. Just tea. I've never liked coffee but occasionally would drink tea in the past. Until this last year when it turned into a must every single morning. My husband even knows how to make it for me now and happily brings me a cup as I stumble out of the bedroom on weekend mornings. I savor every sip.

Creating Space

Monday I was the guest poster on Relish12. My prompt was more of a challenge than a writing assignment and it went a little something like this:

Carve some time out for yourself this week. Hire a sitter, enlist your spouse or family for help. Reach out. An hour or the whole afternoon, it’s your choice. When planning your time think about what your soul needs most. Is it comfort? Lock yourself in the bathroom for a bubble bath. Is it release? Take a drive to a quiet spot and scream at your steering wheel. Whatever it is you are most needing your highest self already knows, so take this time to do it. Afterwards, write about what creating that space meant for you. What emotions bubbled up? Where did your thoughts drift? Could you commit do doing this for you more often?

Of course when I wrote this my husband wasn't out of town and it wasn't 2 weeks before the Holiday's and just days before I leave for New York City. I was starting to wonder what exactly I was thinking. Then I just made sure it happened anyway. I've been withdrawn from others lately. I was tense. So much so it manifested itself directly in my shoulders to the point where I could not turn my head yesterday.

Today I was lucky enough to have an entire day per-scheduled and carved out for myself. Hair appointment first then followed by a blissful 1 hour massage. After that I topped it off with much needed chiropractic adjustment. I feel 100% better.

Lying on that massage table I drifted off into what feel like a waking dream state. No longer aware of my body or my surroundings I just let myself drift. The message that popped up was "let go..." So I did. I let go of worry and fear about my trip. I let go of the non loving way I have been treating my body lately. I let go of the tension that was rolling off of me. I allowed myself the gift of just being there. I physically could feel my shoulders moving away from my ears after I walked out today. What a difference a release can make. When I took a deep breath outside and noticed the sun was shining the world looked a hell of a lot different than it did when I woke up this morning.

It's all about perspective isn't it?

Favorite Reads of 2012

 
Better late than never I am finally diving into some Relish12 prompts. If you haven't signed up yet, I invite you to check it out. I am a wonderful example of someone who won't be blogging every day this month. Still surrendering here.

Today's prompt is from Rebecca and she asks: "What books did you read this year? Which were your favorites? Why did they mean so much to you?"

I read. A lot. This past year I eased back on the self-help books and indulged in quite a bit more fiction. I love losing myself in a fiction book, especially a series where I get intimately attached to the characters. I've learned this year that my favorite genre is Sci-Fi Fantasy.

Some of the highlights this year:
The Hunger Game Series by Suzanne Collins - I resisted reading these books so much after all the hype but in the end I caved and picked up copies and pretty much read them all in a heartbeat.

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley - This could possibly be one of my all time favorite books. I loved the story line and the women's perspective of Arthurian legend. The feminine interpretations almost felt like teachings at times sprinkled through the book.

Books I'm still working on:
Women Who Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes - This book has been in progress for 2 years now. While I deeply enjoy it whenever I pick it up to read it is not something I can devour in days. I prefer to pick it up when I feel called to and most often the chapter I read is something I very much needed to hear at that moment.

A Field Guide to NOW by Christina Rosalie - The lovely Michelle gifted this book to me from a contest on her blog. I'm so happy to have received it. Every time I pick it up I feel myself slowing down and noticing much more of my life as I live it.

I'm always, always looking for new reads to anxious to hear what everyone else is reading too!

Supporting Handmade

Every year I include more and more handmade into my holiday shopping. This year I'm so happy that I know so many wonderful artists. I wanted to spread a little love and cheer this season and hopefully bring some business their way. So if you are lacking gift ideas, click away!

Hand Stamped Pendant by Simply Rebecca

Water Your Soul Bracelet by Liz Lamoreux

Polaroid Card Set by Life Refocused

Goddess Necklace by Holding Space

Mixed Media Print by Tim's Sally

Hand Painted Moleskin by Kelly Barton

Stitched Brooch by Danielle Daniel

Emerging

Fuji FP-100c Film

Even though I'm emerging from the hibernation I had retreated into I am still surrendering as a practice.

I'm letting go of the fact that this year, thank yous from my daughter's party will not be sent.

I'm accepting that right now I'm currently without a nice DSLR camera thanks to my cat knocking mine to the floor with speedlight still attached.

I'm recognizing that I don't need to scrapbook every moment of my daughters life and it is ok to just put the photos in albums. The memories matter more.

I'm realizing that in less than 2 weeks I will be on my way to New York City and will probably be scared shitless in anticipation of being in a big city.

There is plenty of goodness going on around here. I'm grateful for that. Slowly I'm making my way back into the light again. I've been busy working on my Etsy shop and have several new items listed. I hope you will take a moment to check it out. More cards will be up by next week.