Pure Magic

I've just returned home from my third retreat this year. Flying home yesterday I felt that familiar feeling of coming away from something incredible. Create Magic hosted by Liz Lamoreux was pure, sweet magic. At every retreat I have attended this year I found myself cracking open just a little more. This time the crack was large. I came home feeling so full of joy and love. There were moments (after the tears) where I would hear myself laughing and think: "wow, I'm really laughing out loud!" Those of you who have been with me awhile know this is my word for the year and I truly feel like I got there this week.

I find myself easing up just a little more every time I step out into a group and say: "YES!" It is taking these chances on vulnerability and new situations that really pushes me forward to the connection I have been seeking for so long.

Thank you to Vivienne McMaster for helping me let go of the expectations from my camera and photos for just a bit and play. Thank you Mindy Lacefield for rekindling my love of painting through your genuine encouragement. Deep, deep down I so want to be that girl who paints and maybe someday I will. Thank you Kelly Barton for keeping us all nourished and taken care of. I wish I could take you home with me! Thank you Liz Lamoreux for creating such a sacred, safe place for connection and community. I will never tire of listening to your voice gently guiding us along. Finally, thank you to all the beautiful ladies who opened your hearts to me and shared your stories. All of you made this retreat magic!

More photos coming soon!

Reaching out

Polaroid SX-70/Impossible PX680 Film

I've been thinking a lot lately about isolation and how much misery I tend to put myself through. This especially struck home on my birthday this year. I did not receive a single card in the mail. No lunches with friends. Nothing. Sure there were the countless wishes on my Facebook wall but as we all know social media can very easily feel very connected yet disconnected all at once. I sulked through my day the best I could and finished it with dinner with my family. Trying very hard to feel blessed and not sorry for myself. The funny thing with hurts is if you try to bury them they always surface again.

This week it all seems to be stirring up inside of me again. The loneliness. The ache. The fear. There are some fundamentals in life we all need. Connection, bonding, shared laughter on the front porch. The depth of my sorrow this week is bottoming out. I am realizing how much I pull back in situations that could be the very opportunity I need for friendship and connection. I love my blogging community and online Tribe with all my heart but the need is still there for that special tribe I can connect with right here in my own city.

So I am going to start reaching out. I'm going to start inviting those people who I genuinely want to connect with to lunch. I'm going to stop putting up the walls. I am going to start living again out in the open away from my rock. I'm going to find a way through this all to start expressing my true self again. I often sit in the shadows hoping for that hand to come reaching through the darkness to me. Yet it never occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I need to first extend out my hand into the light. The nature of my personality often pegs me as uptight and self conscious. Maybe I am, maybe not. Either way I have to heal this ache by finding connection right here in my own town. "We should get together sometime" are empty words. Real plans must be made. I must do this for myself because the bleakness of winter is coming and I will need all of this to get me through.

I'm writing this post today with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart. This is my way of holding myself accountable. I'm opening up the wound and letting it breathe. Sitting with the wholehearted sadness that comes with it. Acknowledging that the time for reaching out is now. One step, then another, then another....

On my way

I'm boarding a plane today to the Oregon coast. (The currently very wet and rainy coast). But my spirits are high because I will be spending time with an inspirational group of women who can only be described as Rock Stars.

Earlier this year when Meghan inquired if I would be interested in being part of a creative women's group she was forming I jumped on the chance. I literally responded back with a big fat yes within the hour. I felt so honored to be included in a group of amazing artists, photographers, writers and more. Seriously honored. I wasn't sure what I could bring to this group but knew it was most definitely something I had been seeking for a long time. That sense of belonging. This Tribe is now one of a precious few I feel honored to be welcomed into this year. I am so thankful to be connecting with other creative souls and even more grateful for the courage I have had to reach out for that little nudge of inspiration when I have needed it most.

I've been quite around the blogging world this week just sinking in. Preparing for summer vacation with my daughter, planning trips with my husband and celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary. I'm hoping to return next week refreshed and ready to start creating and sharing again. 

Transformation

Officially my transformation to Altered Muse is complete. I am here now in this space, sitting with it, soaking it all in. I like it here. It is comfortable and feminine. I think the name fits. I'm proud to share it with others. In the spirit of re-branding myself and my website I also created a new Facebook fan page if you feel so inclined to "Like" me.




I hesitated even creating one at all but I had one previously strictly for photography. I wanted to create a new home for that as well. In all my recent soul searching the name photographer no longer feels like a comfortable fit to me. My new name better fits my creative spirit and all my projects. From jewelry to photography and even to the Blank Slate Project. I don't want it to be about getting fans. I want it to be about connection. About continuing conversations from here. A place to meet up and share. I hope you will see it that way too.

Also: Don't forget I am giving away a necklace to celebrate my new Etsy shop, you can enter here! There are only 2 days left to get your name in for a chance to win.