Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Tribe



Photo by Rebecca Murphy
Sunday night I returned home feeling more peaceful than I had been in months. My aching heart was warmed by the sounds of laughter, cheerful banter and the roar of the sea. I found my tribe. I found a group of women I can be my calm quiet self around and not worry about pretending to be someone else. I could sit quietly on the sidelines and listen if I wished. I could watch with the deep concentration that my face sometimes shows and not be asked to smile because I looked like something was wrong. I felt understood. I felt included and like I belonged just for being me.

Dusk at Manzanita
I arrived on Wednesday feeling unsure of what was to come. Trying not to have expectations but they came anyway. I was worried about the dynamics of the group. Each of us so different yet so much the same. I was sure I would be the black sheep. The one with less talent and less to offer. I know this is a story I created in my own head but it was there nonetheless. I feel like I am in such a transitional time right now, trying to find my voice while continuing on this crooked creative path I am following. What I found was that every single one of these ladies are also on their own crooked paths. Searching for that next small step. Every one of us encased in a beautiful cocoon of transition. Some are starting to crack open and spread their wings while others are waiting just awhile longer until the time is right.

Group Photo by Rebecca Murphy
Meghan, Elizabeth, Melissa, Sarah, Darlene, Sophia, Rebecca and Emily. You have helped to heal me just a little more. Lindsey and Stefanie: we missed you greatly and your presence was felt and with us every step of the way. My heart is already longing for next year. The thought of having this to look forward to every year of our lives is the greatest gift. Come Hell or high water I will be there next year to do it all over again.

10 comments:

  1. These pictures hit me somewhere deep in the core - I cannot WAIT for next year. xox

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  2. The crooked path. I love that. Who wants to travel a boring, straight line?

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  3. With every recount of our time together, my heart flutters. I am still trying to find my words in terms of what it all meant to me -- but reading yours has my head nodding in agreement, still unable to believe what transpired. Feel so very blessed to be a part of it all.

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  4. Beautiful post, Celina. I think we all healed each other. So grateful that you felt like you could be you, just as you are. Much love. xoxo

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  5. I'm with Meghan: I'm so glad you felt you could be you, without having to wear a mask that felt authentic or insincere. Nothing drives me crazier than someone asking someone else to "smile' or "don't look so sad," or to feel anything other than they're feeling in the moment. There is something magical about arriving tova group as a clean slate, no?

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  6. Oh so beautiful Celina! And you healed us with your quiet strength, I think. You have such a light that comes from inside you, you didn't have to say a thing and we felt safe and heard with you there. I cannot turn the calendar pages fast enough to get back to that coast with all of you! Big hugs!!! :)

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  7. Beautiful post and pictures, brave, courageous Celina! I am so grateful that you felt that you could be authentic and true. By being yourself, you gave others (including me) the courage to do the same. I am so loving seeing everyone's musings on the weekend and really appreciating your amazing photography (it takes me right back to the beach).

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  8. Magical! How inspiring to see women coming together like this to be supportive & present for one another. what a dream! this life is such a gift, don't you agree? ~xo

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