Thursday, September 20, 2012

Listening in

Squam selfie softone

Those of you who have been following me for any length of time know that I struggle with body image. I struggle with my health. What I have found over the last 2 years was that I really struggled with listening. I would bounce from doctor to doctor getting advice, supplements and herbal remedies. I would stare at them intently listening to suggestions, diagnosis and cures. I would try, oh I would try so very hard. Then I would complain that it just wasn't working. I would cry. What I never did, not fully, was get quiet and listen. Not the type of listening that we turn towards others but the kind of listening that needed to be turned inward. The quiet kind. Because of these struggles being strung out for years my body caught on and decided that maybe quiet just wasn't going to work.

So it yelled.

It screamed at me for not listening. Clawed at my insides furiously. It churned and bloated and acted out until finally I heard.

The past 3 weeks I have been strictly dairy free and what a difference it has made. Had I known all along that was the root of my ill health I could have saved a lot of time and money. Being dairy free sprinkled in with trying to eat as little gluten as possible has been a difficult transition. The payoff however has been so rich in reward that it would be impossible to ignore in the future. I do not know yet the full extent of my dietary limitations but I'm getting much much better at listening. For that I am grateful and so is my body.

We are settling in to this new reality together, my body and I. Navigating through the isles of instant packaged food and passing them by. We sit together at tables with others watching them enjoy their ice cream and baked goods. We try to remember that those foods are no longer healthy for us and we are better off without. We try to remember that easier isn't always better.

The biggest step of all, however, has been to look in the mirror with love and curiosity again. For this is the real reward.

8 comments:

  1. Easier isn't always better, and when I've forgotten that, or tested it, I am quickly reminded that this isn't just a phase, it's my life now and I need to own it. Once I stopped fighting, (only a few months ago), things became much easier.

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  2. So true! I'm glad you found this out and though it isn't easy, it is so worth it if you are feeling better.

    I've been totally gluten free for a long time (I can't function if I eat it) but dairy is the one that I still test every so often, knowing that I don't thrive when its dragging down my system.

    Cheering you on from over here (and such a stunning image too)!

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  3. hello there (over from MJ's place).

    Listening to ourselves is often a late lesson isn't it? So glad you got there. How wodnerful you must feel, how light, on many levels.

    Loving your gorgeous polaroids btw!

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  4. Oh Celina
    I understand this journey fully
    what an inspiration you are
    and that picture of you
    beautiful
    I love it!
    you truly are beautiful in all ways

    love and light

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  5. learning to listen to what is inside us is such a challenge. ongoing for us all, i think. so beautiful the way you've written of it here. i love knowing that you are now looking into your mirrors with love and curiosity once again.
    here's to continued love and continued curiosity.
    xo

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  6. I understand. I understand the not listening, I understand being at odds with my body, and the internal turmoil that eventually reveals itself outward. You are an inspiration Celina and may you always see love when you look inside and out...
    xo

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  7. I'm so glad you are feeling better and that you are loving yourself more each day. xoxo

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  8. I know that what you are speaking of is listening to your body, and I can relate to that in so many ways, but hearing how well you're doing, really LISTENING to you say that it's worth the sacrifice... That's got me by more than my ear. I don't want to give up my dairy (she says stomping foot in tantrum) but I'm wondering if that might not be the way for me as well. Thank you for sharing what you've found, you've got me tuning in to what my own body has to say a bit more. :)

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