Surrender seems like a good word to summarize the space I am currently in. The past few months have been chaotic. For weeks I have been feeling the gentle tug to pull back. Slowly I worked up the courage to delete most social media from my phone. Then I deactivated my Facebook.
I've noticed a growing trend of friends stepping back lately. Pulling in. I thought they were so brave and that I really couldn't do that. Most of my closest and dearest friends live sprinkled throughout this continent and I felt like social media was the main line of communication for us. It took a few of them stepping away for me to see that connection was still possible.
What a funny time we live in with Twitter and Facebook. So many avenues of connection, too many. I felt like I was swirling. Lost. Energitically I was drained. Emotionally I was spent. I had no more to give. I needed to give all I had to myself just for awhile. I needed to stop fighting against the current and surrender.
I'm trying not to listen to the "should" voices that tell me I need to be creating, be commenting on every single persons blog or to be listing more and more items on Etsy. The list goes on. I'm surrendering to the fact that I don't need to share every moment of my life on Facebook. I'm surrendering to the fact that I also don't need to read every moment of yours to feel connected. It's a fine line to dance between retreating and connecting but I'm learning to tip toe down it.
I've started journaling again. Not every day but more than I was. The battery on my phone is lasting much longer now that I am not checking Facebook at every impulse. I'm engaging more with my family now that my eyes aren't glued to my phone or computer. Most importantly I'm giving myself permission to not do it all right now.
I'm not ready to emerge from this quiet time in the North just yet. I'll know when that time comes. Right now I'm happily working on long shelved projects around the house. Purging and making space for both myself and others. It isn't always comfortable but that is where the real magic happens right?
"Life is our teacher. Life communicates with us all the time and it is a lesson to see how life continuously has led me to the people I need to met, to the situations I need to experience, and to the places I need to be. There has never been any real reason to worry since all small individual rivers are already on their way to the ocean, to the Whole. It is not about swimming, it is about relaxing and to float with the river in a basic trust that life already leads towards the sea of consciousness, towards the Whole." ~Swami Dhyan Giten