Happiness

Fading, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.

“Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower, and draws all good things toward you. Allow your love to nourish yourself as well as others. Do not strain after the needs of life. It is sufficient to be quietly alert and aware of them. In this way life proceeds more naturally and effortlessly. Life is here to Enjoy!”

~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

Two years ago

Today's Outtake, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.

I'm feeling at a loss for words this week. So I'm digging in the archives for a little beauty.

Lost and Found

 
Imagine this for a moment. You move into a new home and deep back in the darkest corner of the closet is a box. Inside is an entire family's history. Letters, photos and more. What would you do? Now imagine you found this box 40 or more years ago. Before Google search or Facebook. This is exactly what happened to my grandmother many years ago. After some futile phone searches she placed the box aside.

Some time after my mom became keeper of the box. She searched through the papers and names and found a family tree starting to form. The problem was that the names and family members were from the early 1900's. No living relatives were around from the most recent name in the box: Bess. So again the box was put aside.

 9/15/1906

During a recent trip to my moms house the photos came up as part of discussion with my new fascination with vintage ephemera. Little did I know my mom was sitting on a golden treasure trove of fabulous history. I convinced her to let me take them home to see if I could maybe find their ancestors. So now I am the keeper of the box and all its untold stories. Inside are hundreds of photos, some so old they are printed on tin. There are letters and newspaper articles and songs handwritten on fragile paper. If they were my family treasures I know I would want to hold on to them. The miracle here is that there are names written on many of the photos along with dates and sometimes even locations. How often do we bother to do that these days? Let alone print off our own photos. Our heritage is fading into the digital world and that saddens me.

My mother in law is an excellent genealogist. She has been working on her family's history for years. So in hopes I finding a quick solution I turned to her for assistance. Amazingly she found connections to some of the names within days on her ancestry site. Now all we have to do is contact them and hope they respond.

Hoping that soon someone treasures these as much as I have in the very short time they have been in my possession.

Giving and Receiving

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."  ~ Lao Tzu

This lovely creation arrived at my door yesterday. Compliments of Alana at Life After Benjamin and BoriDolls. I adore her. I am so grateful for the countless people in this world who share bits of themselves in whatever way they are able and send them off into the Universe to be received.

What gifts are you sharing today?

A Message

Now is your time, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.

Self Care vs Self Restoration

I was considering the difference between self care and self restoration today. I was wondering what part they play in relation to the other and which must come first. Or if there is really a difference at all.

Self Care:
The need to do something good for ourselves.
Expressing love and kindness towards ourselves.
Pampering our external selves.
Taking a brain break to read or enjoy nature.
Daily meditation and or exercise.

Self Restoration:
Allowing ourselves time to heal from internal and external wounds.
Allowing others to help us heal.
Getting adequate rest.
Nourishing our bodies with healthy food.
Being present with our emotions and expressing them honestly.

Does one need to focus on self restoration before self care? That was what I was musing on today.

The past several weeks I have been feeling the need to get a pedicure. To pamper myself. But when the time comes to make the appointment I don't. I would rather curl up and just rest. What is it about self care that meets us with such resistance at times? I have been feeling unwell for what seems like eternity and have been unable to get a solid answer on what my body is going though. I can only say what it feels like. It feels like I am awfully stuck in self restoration mode.

I have no reason for my thoughts other than I am feeling a bit stuck lately. Maybe it is Spring and her very slow start or maybe its the lack of protein I am getting going through this detox. Either way the pull to the couch with a blanket and good book has been too tempting of a treat lately. I have no doubt I will plow through this phase but for now I am sitting with it and trying to figure out what my needs are in this moment.

PS. Last week Blogger went down for a day and some of my recent comments with it. I apologize if yours are missing. I promise I read and treasure every thought.

I Remember

My friend Lindsey at A Design So Vast along with several other amazing bloggers are inviting others to share their memories. Take a moment to visit her site and find out the process then share. Would love to hear what you dig up.

I remember the taste of fresh cows milk and skimming the cream off the top.

I remember the glow of the red light in the dark room and the hours spent there.

I remember skinny dipping in the Snake River on warm summer nights (and sometimes days too).

I remember first learning to sketch from models in the magazine advertisements.

I remember the first time I felt my child nudge my stomach inside of me.

I remember the emptiness of my High School halls.

I remember a story told by my aunt about how cactus move and dance at night then freeze when first light comes.

I remember my high school sweethearts white pickup truck and the sound it made pulling up to my house.

I remember my grandpa's house on the lake and trees surrounding the cove.

I remember how unseasonably hot it was on my wedding day and sweating profusely under my gown for photos.

I remember sleeping out on our trampoline at night with sleeping bags and watching the stars above.

Shifting

Tired eyes, messy hair, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.

I dreamt two nights ago that I was walking through a crowd of acquaintances and no one recognized me. In their eyes I was just a stranger. It was only after I spoke that the light bulbs went off. In the moments before that I was proud to be unrecognizable. I was happy with the changes in myself. I felt incredibly peaceful with my appearance inward and outward. I was literally floating through the room.

I don't think the dream had anything to do with vanity or how I look on the outside. I think it very much has to do with who I am on the inside.

This is how I feel like I am walking through my life right now. I'm gazing on all the faces I once knew and some are looking back at me with an utterly blank expression. I am going through a major change right now. It feels colossal to me and very accelerated. I believe I have been preparing my whole life for this big monumental shift that is occurring. Or maybe I have been shifting little by little every day. I'm not really sure. Am I becoming a different version of myself or am I just removing the facade that was once my shell?

Isn't this moment I am in right now, exactly where I need to be? I believe so. I've said before that I am on a crooked path of self discovery. Bobbing and weaving my way through. Realigning myself when the direction feels off. Testing the waters every so often. Sometimes I get stuck or distracted but I eventually always carry on.

One shift started today is my diet. I am going through some challenging health issues and out of desperation showed up at a Naturopathic Dr's office last month. With his help I am trying some new eating habits and attempting to break some old. This morning I started a three week detox and will be eliminating most of the foods I love from my diet. I'm digging deep to find the strength to stick with it, knowing it will make me feel better at least temporarily until we can get to the root of the issue. I'm learning that ignoring health concerns doesn't make them go away and sometimes we all need help addressing them. Sometimes multiple opinions. Sometimes big shifts are needed.

So that is where I am in this moment. Shifting and preparing for what is next.

I believe

I believe that being a mother isn't always as fluffy and gentle as some may think. It is raw, provoking, ferocious and tender too.

I believe that nature heals us. Sometimes we forget this in our connected world with laptops, smartphones and televisions.

I believe I am on the verge of unearthing something so very big inside of me. It terrifies me and gives me strength all at once.

I believe that every one has the power to create and express ourselves. It is a direct connection to our inner selves and it is waiting for us to dive in.  Go paint, draw, cook, write or dance. I dare you. Just start.

I believe taking a risk and leaning into fear is the best way to live and to grow.

I believe that Spring will always come, no matter the length and bitterness of the winter before. 

I believe everything can be a teacher to us and an opportunity to grow. If we are open to it.

I believe we should all play more and work less. Create more and compare less. Observe more and judge less.

I believe that there is only one way to stay on our paths and that way is one step at a time.

Make a wish

Make a wish, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." ~ Henry David Thoreau

A Message

Believe, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.

A Gathering

My cherished friend Danette dreamed up the idea for the centerpieces. Beautiful and simple. Perfect!

We had the exact amount of seats we needed: 16. Our living room was at full capacity.

Beautiful and delicious catering provided by Prepared Catering

Did I mention beautiful and delicious?

By the end of the night the tables were moved to create space in the living room for some seriously fun Xbox gaming.

I feel it would be enigmatic of me to post all of these photos above without telling the story but I cannot seem to piece together the right words to coherently describe the evening. I'm not sure if it is exhaustion or the giddy joy of feeling success in an evening filled with laughter and good food. So I will try my best.

My husband, Ken, works for a very large international company. The melting pot of employees and cultures is really a beautiful thing. There are always people traveling both in and out of the United States. So when I found out a group of his coworkers from Singapore were staying in the US for several months for training  I figured it would be the perfect time to finally have some of his colleges over for dinner. Then I remembered I could not possibly cook for anything over a group of 6 people. That is just my personal limit to maintaining sanity.

Luck or fate had it that an old childhood friend of mine, Kelli, was a chef and had time to squeeze us in on a very short notice. It was also luck or fate that we had exactly enough room to seat all our guests with the borrowed and pieced together tables and chairs we set out across our living room.

The absolute highlight of the evening was when I decided to bravely bring out the Rock Band guitars and fire up the Xbox. Which soon led to pushing all the tables aside for some Dance Central. Oh yes....dancing! In the end it didn't matter much if my table cloths all matched (they didn't) or that I stressed over buying the perfectly paired wine (they all came through the door bearing gifts of wine, food and beer). It most certainly did not matter that I felt the need to move the Wii and a TV upstairs for the kids to have their own space. They didn't even venture up there once. Just being ourselves and opening up our home was enough.

I hope they all had an evening worth remembering, I know I surely did.