Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Shifting

Tired eyes, messy hair by Celina Wyss
Tired eyes, messy hair, a photo by Celina Wyss on Flickr.
I dreamt two nights ago that I was walking through a crowd of acquaintances and no one recognized me. In their eyes I was just a stranger. It was only after I spoke that the light bulbs went off. In the moments before that I was proud to be unrecognizable. I was happy with the changes in myself. I felt incredibly peaceful with my appearance inward and outward. I was literally floating through the room.

I don't think the dream had anything to do with vanity or how I look on the outside. I think it very much has to do with who I am on the inside.

This is how I feel like I am walking through my life right now. I'm gazing on all the faces I once knew and some are looking back at me with an utterly blank expression. I am going through a major change right now. It feels colossal to me and very accelerated. I believe I have been preparing my whole life for this big monumental shift that is occurring. Or maybe I have been shifting little by little every day. I'm not really sure. Am I becoming a different version of myself or am I just removing the facade that was once my shell?

Isn't this moment I am in right now, exactly where I need to be? I believe so. I've said before that I am on a crooked path of self discovery. Bobbing and weaving my way through. Realigning myself when the direction feels off. Testing the waters every so often. Sometimes I get stuck or distracted but I eventually always carry on.

One shift started today is my diet. I am going through some challenging health issues and out of desperation showed up at a Naturopathic Dr's office last month. With his help I am trying some new eating habits and attempting to break some old. This morning I started a three week detox and will be eliminating most of the foods I love from my diet. I'm digging deep to find the strength to stick with it, knowing it will make me feel better at least temporarily until we can get to the root of the issue. I'm learning that ignoring health concerns doesn't make them go away and sometimes we all need help addressing them. Sometimes multiple opinions. Sometimes big shifts are needed.

So that is where I am in this moment. Shifting and preparing for what is next.

5 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness. Yes. I KNOW THIS. For the last year or so, I've been walking a similar path. I have felt literally like I've been existing between two parts of myself, no longer who I was, but not yet who I am supposed to be. Sometimes it's very clear, such as you describe here. Others it still feels very far away. But it IS there. And it's beautiful. So I understand and I am so happy for you.

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  2. Oh, Celina - I relate so much to this. I love the question of whether this is, actually, just taking off the facade. Sending you love and strength in this time of change. xoxo

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  3. I'm with you on this ride of shifting, changing, emerging. You have the strength to push through the pains of this growth. xoxo

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  4. i hear so much truth in these words, it sounds like you are shouldering through this with a lot of clarity (even though it is also uncertain)... and strength... and making room. sounds big. sounds exciting! thinking of you ~ xo

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  5. You're probably empowering so many women to do the same. I could stand to get a grip on my eating habits (I think about it all the time) not to mention a better self care routine all around, like making sure I get myself to the doctor because for twenty years I've been taking my children faithfully. Good luck Celina!!

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