Monday, October 17, 2011
This past month I have been searching for ways to practice self-love. It isn't easy. I wish I could come here and write a genuinely fluffy post about how I love every inch of my body but quite frankly lately I'm just not feeling it.
Over one year ago I underwent a surgery for what I hoped would solve some major health issues I was having. One of the side effects from the surgery was weight loss due to me being unable to eat much for quite awhile. It was fantastic! I loved how quickly the pounds flew off. I weighed myself EVERY day to see where I was at and how I was doing. I bought new clothes, then a few weeks later bought some more after dropping yet another size. I think in the end I lost 3o pounds and 3 dress sizes. Fast forward to this month where 20 of those pounds have come back along with 2 whopping dress sizes. It isn't fun and it sure as heck isn't loving. I'm buying clothes in reverse now and weeping as I pack up the ones from last year that absolutely will not fit today.
I am working little by little on how to care for this body I have and practice gentleness with it. I need to approach this with love and respect. I need to find that space inside where I can be okay. I work out weekly (though probably not as much as I could be). I eat reasonably well (I even gave up soda!). I see my Naturopath doctor every week to hopefully start resolving some of the ongoing health issues I still have. Most importantly I have started on a deep soul-searching journey with the help of a very wise woman here locally. But all of that doesn't make it easy. It doesn't heal the pain I feel when I see my muffin top sneaking out in photos or when I am having an extremely bad health week and my stomach bloats out to the size of early pregnancy.
So today I can start with the first step. That is accepting where I am right in this very minute and letting that be enough.