Monday, October 17, 2011

Practicing Gentleness

Embracing Nature

This past month I have been searching for ways to practice self-love. It isn't easy. I wish I could come here and write a genuinely fluffy post about how I love every inch of my body but quite frankly lately I'm just not feeling it.

Over one year ago I underwent a surgery for what I hoped would solve some major health issues I was having. One of the side effects from the surgery was weight loss due to me being unable to eat much for quite awhile. It was fantastic! I loved how quickly the pounds flew off. I weighed myself EVERY day to see where I was at and how I was doing. I bought new clothes, then a few weeks later bought some more after dropping yet another size. I think in the end I lost 3o pounds and 3 dress sizes. Fast forward to this month where 20 of those pounds have come back along with 2 whopping dress sizes. It isn't fun and it sure as heck isn't loving. I'm buying clothes in reverse now and weeping as I pack up the ones from last year that absolutely will not fit today.

I am working little by little on how to care for this body I have and practice gentleness with it. I need to approach this with love and respect. I need to find that space inside where I can be okay. I work out weekly (though probably not as much as I could be). I eat reasonably well (I even gave up soda!). I see my Naturopath doctor every week to hopefully start resolving some of the ongoing health issues I still have. Most importantly I have started on a deep soul-searching journey with the help of a very wise woman here locally. But all of that doesn't make it easy. It doesn't heal the pain I feel when I see my muffin top sneaking out in photos or when I am having an extremely bad health week and my stomach bloats out to the size of early pregnancy.

So today I can start with the first step. That is accepting where I am right in this very minute and letting that be enough.

7 comments:

  1. So beautifully said my friend! Your body appreciates all of the gentleness that you are lavishing on her as she finds her way.
    hearts and hugs,
    valerie

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  2. I love the image
    it is beautiful
    I just took this journey last year and went deep inside myself to find what lies I held onto about my body and replaced them with truth...I called it letting go of my unneeded weight instead of lossing unwanted weight and with every change I made myself "be" with my body ... not take it for granted
    your start is perfect...everyday we need to give ourselves the gift of being enough
    you will find yourself again!

    love and light

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  3. my dear dear friend, you have been embracing growth in so many inspiring ways and have been on an incredible journey thus far. trusting you are getting closer can be so difficult. and i feel your pain in that. i can relate to patience never coming to sit with me as easily as i would like it to. i guess it is a constant challenge in knowing that the shifts sometimes take time. but today, i celebrate the beautiful shining you that is living in patience and gentleness in this present moment. starting in that place is such a beautiful reminder! xo

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  4. it is strange how we are always cruelest to ourselves. good luck on your journey!

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  5. I am here with you again. Feeling so many parallels and trying to be more gentle, less cruel. I LOVE your photo dear girl. Your words speak to my very core. LOVE you. xo

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  6. You have always been beautiful and special in my world,and always will be no matter what. i love how you are on a special journey and I know all will work out and you will find that happiness and love for yourself soon. Love, MOM

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  7. dearest soul mama, your beauty goes so much deeper and flows out of you so much farther than you can imagine. you are a true inspiration. sending much love to you. xoxo

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